When I was younger, I couldn’t understand other people saying they didn’t like heights, or they were scared of spiders. I have two siblings, one being an older brother, and naturally I just followed his lead when playing. Climbing trees, hanging upside down, stunts on bikes……I was a tomboy and fearless. However, somewhere along the line that’s all changed and I don’t even know when it happened. Fear has sneaked up on me and stopped me in my tracks.
No Sense Of Danger
I grew up in Cleethorpes, and when I was a teenager the town had it’s own theme park. My friends and I would happily spend weekends and school holidays there, craving the thrill of the rides without a second thought. Our favourite was a pirate ship which swung from side to side until eventually it went completely upside down. We all loved this ride and wouldn’t hesitate getting on. There was other white knuckle rides too, a large roller-coaster which was another firm favourite. So my question is, if I loved it then, why does the thought of fair ground rides fill me with complete dread now? I have absolutely no desire to go anywhere near rides, in fact I hate watching my own children ride on them. I question their safety and my mind is full of “what if’s”, however improbable the scenario of something going wrong is. Why would something I once loved, now make me afraid?
Is This Me?
A friend of mine recently suggested skiing. “I should try it”, they said, “I would love it!” I brushed it off, making a joke about preferring hotter climates, but truth be told is I know I won’t try it, I’m too scared. The thought of hurtling down a snowy hillside, going too fast and not being in control is scary. But having said that, is this really me? Do I want to say no to things that I haven’t even tried? The younger me would have loved it, so why not now?
Heights are another thing that now a days I just can’t face! Even though logic is shouting at me that it’s perfectly safe, the looking down or out towards an incredible view is something I end up passing on! Flying is also something that I really terrifies me. Although I do force myself through this one. I don’t want the kids to be scared of flying just because I am. However, I am so grateful when that plane lands and I’m still in one piece!
I Blame The Children….
So why do people change? What makes fear take over and dominate a space where it never would have crept in before? For me, it’s probably having kids that’s made me more cautious. The huge responsibility of having so many small people depending on me, is always in the back of my mind. So (for now), I won’t be taking risks, trying new things or allowing myself to not be in control. I’ll err on the side of caution, and stick to what is “safe”.
Fear surely only exists to be conquered, but hopefully it’s not time dependant. When I’m ready to face it, it’ll still be there……waiting for me.